A Homecoming to Forget Read online

  There was more rustling outside my bedroom door. I couldn't go out there and tell Benji about this now though. Clover stirred on my bed, then stopped and was sleeping soundly again. I had to confront my dad. As much as I wanted to not bother him, I had to. I stepped out of my room and Benji was lurking in the hall.

  "Is everything okay?"

  "Yeah, why?" I shut the door behind me so he couldn't see in.

  "I thought I heard something."

  "I was on the internet," I said. "You tube." I should probably trust him more than this.

  He raised an eyebrow.

  My shoulders drooped and I let out a long breath. "My mom was here."

  "Your ..." He looked over my shoulder.

  "She just left. But she also left someone behind."

  He tilted his head.

  I cracked open my door.

  Benji looked in. "Is that?"

  "My baby brother."

  We stood there staring at him for a minute before I finally spoke. "I don't know what to do."

  "My mom would."

  "No," I said almost too quickly. As eager as she was to get rid of me I could only imagine how eager she'd be to dispose of Clover.

  "She loves babies."

  "Please. Just ... let me figure this out first." Even though I wasn't sure how I was going to do this.

  Benji pushed into my room and headed straight toward Clover. He knelt down beside him. "I have a friend that has a kid."

  "How old is your friend?" It wasn't lost on me that he was a college sophomore, not a high school sophomore that his friend could very well have a kid Clover's age.

  "I'll text her and see if she has anything Clover's size."

  It just now dawned on me that my mother left us with nothing.

  "We have to tell our parents. We can't keep a toddler in here like he's a pet we're hiding."

  We? Nobody said anything about we. However, it did help me feel less alone. That was a plus with everything else going on.

  "My dad …" I started but then stopped. I couldn't bring myself to tell Benji that my dad just may be Clover's dad too. If my mom was telling the truth.

  "Is he still in diapers?" Benji asked looking up from his phone.

  "I don't know." I hadn't been near enough to check.

  Benji then patted Clover on the butt. "Yep." Then he looked up at me. "I'll go pick up a couple things for him, do you need anything?"

  I blinked back the tears and shook my head. Why was he being so nice to me?

  ***

  Dread filled me when I listened to my dad pull in. Benji had been back for about an hour with supplies. A couple of sweat suits, a pack of diapers, a pair of jammies with attached socks, and juice boxes. Clover hadn't woken, so nothing was used.

  I took another look at Clover before heading down stairs. I left my door open, just in case he woke. Perhaps I should have called my dad at work and had him come home early for this, but I couldn't bring myself to disturb him.

  “Dad.” My voice was quiet. I wasn’t sure that he’d heard me as he removed his shoes.

  “Yeah?” He looked up and his expression fell. “What is it?”

  Was I that readable?

  I scratched my elbow. “I need to show you something.”

  “Okay?” He rose to his full six-foot-three height. His shoulders always looked much wider when he wore his scrubs. I wanted to cry so he could tell me everything was going to be okay, but I didn’t.

  “In my room.”

  “Do you remember something?” He followed me, but I didn’t reply. I walked to my room and pointed inside.

  He stared for a second, his brow furrowed. “What’s this?”

  "Mom was here," I said.

  His large shoulders tensed. The large shoulders that comforted me when I was little. Shoulders that made me feel safe when I was scared.

  "She left ...” I pushed on my door to widen the way, “Clover."

  He didn't say anything for what seemed like forever. If it wasn’t for his rapid breaths, it would seem like he was a statue.

  "She says he's yours." I looked at Clover who was still sleeping soundly. "Is it true? Could he be?" I didn't know why, but right now I wanted it to be true.

  "How old is he?" My dad’s voice which was normally deep and composed, was now soft and cracked.

  "Two ... I ... I think."

  His shoulders slumped as he stepped in my room. "It is possible." He pushed some of Clover's unruly hair out of his face. "He looks a lot like you."

  My dad didn't have to say it. That if Clover looked like me, that meant he looked like him.

  "We can have a paternity test done," he said.

  "Did you cheat on?"

  He gave a small flick of his head. "It was right before I met Janice."

  That didn't mean that Janice would take this any better, she didn't like me and I was way before her.

  He ran his hand over his five-o-clock shadow. "A paternity may be tricky without your mom ..."

  "You mean you need her DNA?"

  He nodded. "Not that it's impossible, just may take longer."

  "She cut her hair."

  "What?"

  "In my bathroom. Can’t they test her hair for DNA?"

  "Yeah," he nodded.

  "Another thing, Dad?"

  "Yeah?" He seemed distracted as he stared at Clover, crouching by the bed.

  "Mom said she gave him a sleeping pill." He was a doctor, he would know if he was going to be okay.

  He flinched. "Did she say how much?"

  "A half of one?"

  He knelt down beside my bed and lifted Clover's hand, placing his thumb on his wrist. "She didn't say how many milligrams?"

  "I don't know." I scrunched my face, "I'm sorry."

  "It's not your fault."

  "Is he going to be okay?"

  My dad stared at his watch as he held onto Clover's wrist. It seemed like forever before he finally spoke. "I think so.” He pushed Clover's hair out of his face again. "I always wanted a son."

  I wasn't sure if I should feel upset that I wasn't enough or if he even meant for it to come out how it sounded. I knew my mom wasn't always truthful, but the similarities between my father, Clover, and me were too many to be an accident. I supposed my mom could have a type. But unless she was with my dad's long-lost twin or something, it was very plausible that Clover was my full brother, not just half.

  Chapter 32

  I wanted to hit something. Ryan and Drew hooted and whistled as Nadia and Henry came out of the make-out room. That seemed to be the only thing that played in my mind over and over.

  Nadia came bouncing in my room all smiles today. I stayed on my bed, staring at my phone scrolling through nothing worth reading and ignoring her.

  “Henry.” Nadia gasped as she fell back on my bed.

  I lowered my phone and glared at her. “I don’t want to hear about it.”

  “He’s so cute and sweet. Why haven’t I noticed him before?” Nadia turned on her side propping her head on her chin.

  “He was a dork,” I said.

  “He said he was going to call me today.” Nadia smiled.

  I lowered my phone. “You can’t be with Henry.”

  “Why?”

  “Because.” I couldn’t think of a good reason without giving away that I wanted Henry to myself. “Because he’s mine, it’s the best friend code.”

  Nadia shook her head and wrinkled her nose. “But you’re with Trey.”

  I stood and stalked over to my vanity. I played with my hair, tossing the part from one side to the other. “If you are my friend.” I turned to face her. “You will stay away from Henry Nash.”

  Nadia’s jaw dropped, but she didn’t argue. Instead, she shrugged. “He’s not that cute anyway.”

  And that was the end of that.

  I felt bad about it, because I knew they would get a long great, but I couldn’t bear to see them together. Last night was hard enough to keep my cool when I had to watch them
sneak back to the make-out room then emerge all messy haired and swollen lipped.

  Chapter 33

  Surprisingly, it only took a few days to find out that Clover was indeed my whole brother, not just half. Though Janice insisted she was okay with it and she took care of him, almost to the point of spoiling him. It felt like she did it with a grudge. Nobody in the house wanted to call him Clover, so my dad suggested we call him CJ.

  It was weird going from not having a sibling to having a two-year-old brother. My dad fixed up the room across from mine with a toddler bed. Janice painted it like a train station, because that’s what Benji liked when he was little.

  Mr. Whiskers however, was less than pleased to have a tiny, tail-tugging human around. It served him right. At least he didn’t wander around the halls scaring me to death anymore. He kept out of sight.

  I rode home from school with Trey, even though I just wanted to be with Henry. I hadn’t talked to Henry since his mom hung up on me. I was hoping to see him at school, but he hadn’t been there lately.

  There was a knock on my bedroom door. “Come in.” I called.

  I had suspected Benji or even Janice, but it didn’t even cross my mind it would be Nadia. I hadn’t talked much to her either. As she walked in the room, she fidgeted. Her dark hair was swept up in a messy pony tail and her eyes red rimmed.

  I pursed my lips and sat up straighter. “What are you doing here?” I slid the poem about Henry under my pillow.

  “I know you don’t remember anything but being mad at me, but you’re my best friend.” She put her hand to her heart.

  “So, it’s okay to steal my boyfriend?” She thought I was talking about Trey, but part of me was thinking about her night with Henry, a memory that had recently come back.

  “I wasn’t trying to steal him. I didn’t even mean to kiss him. In case you haven’t noticed I’ve been trying to keep you two together.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he loves you.” She took another step into my room. “And I love you and … and I love you both and want you two to be happy.” She made big gestures with her hands. “You guys deserve it.”

  After I didn’t say anything for a long time she said, “Can you forgive me? I promise I’ll never do that again. I swear.”

  “I don’t know.” I said, because before I found out about the kiss, I thought she was a good friend.

  “Sawyer,” Janice called from the bottom of the steps. “Sawyer, can you come here for a minute?”

  I looked at Nadia, frowning. “I’ll be right back.”

  “You never listen to Janice.”

  “She has my baby brother.” I thumped down the stairs to where Janice held CJ on her hip. He was in a set of pajamas with the socks connected. They had cartoon dogs all over them and a zipper from one foot to his chest.

  “Every time I try to put him down he cries. I just need to get my shoes on. I’m going to take him for a drive to put him to sleep. I used to do that with Benji all the time. I think CJ’s having so much fun here he doesn’t want miss anything.” She kissed his forehead. She’d gotten his hair cut since we’d had him. I liked being able to see his face and that he looked like a big boy with his haircut. She handed him to me. He smiled and reached for me, babbling his own little language. His cheeks were pink and his fingers wet with slobber as he grabbed my nose. I’d only known him for about a week, but I already couldn’t imagine life without him.

  A few minutes later, she came back out with her keys and the baby’s new jacket, she wrestled him in it. “Wish me luck.” She adjusted him on her hip again.

  When I went upstairs, I wasn’t prepared for Nadia to be sitting on my bed with my journal in her lap.

  “What are you doing?” I lunged for her and grabbed for my journal.

  Her cheeks flushed, she jumped, and tried to hide it. “I was just … I need to know what you’re thinking.”

  I ripped my journal away from her hands. It fell open to the page of the cryptic message. My heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. “You knew where I kept it.”

  “I’m your best friend, of course I did.”

  I backed up, slowly. “It was you.”

  “What?” Nadia rose to her feet.

  I hurried out my bedroom door and slammed it in her face as she advanced. In my mind, I saw myself barreling down these stairs, like I had that night.

  “Sawyer, what was me?”

  I ran to Benji, he was closest. I banged on the door, but she was coming after me, so I let myself in. Mr. Whiskers mewed from his spot in the middle of Benji’s bed.

  “Sawyer, what’s going on?” She sounded scared.

  She should be. I figured it out. She was going to be in a lot of trouble. Now it all made perfect sense. She was in love with Trey, she had to get me out of the way.

  Locked inside Benji’s dark room, I’d realized he wasn’t here either. I was alone with my killer and Mr. Whiskers.

  Nadia banged on the door. “I said I was sorry for kissing Trey.”

  She was sorry for kissing my boyfriend, but she wasn’t sorry for trying to kill me? “Is that what you’re really sorry for?”

  “What are you talking about?” The knob wiggled.

  Only when I reached for my phone to call Trey did I realize I didn’t have it on me. Benji’s computer sat closed on his bed. I could log into my social media account and send him a message. I sat down and put the computer on my lap. Mr. Whiskers rubbed against me.

  I opened the computer and pounded on the keyboard before it even booted up.

  I typed in the search bar, prepared to log Benji out and log myself on, but it was already logged into my account.

  That was weird. Even if I had used his computer before, certainly he’d been on his own account since then.

  I went to his History to see when the last time he was on this site was.

  My heart sank.

  It was today.

  Mr. Whiskers began to paw at me. I nudged him away.

  Why was Benji on my social media today?

  I clicked on the email he’d been on earlier.

  It was mine.

  I felt like I was going to be sick.

  Was he spying on me? I looked up at the door. Mr. Whiskers meowed and hopped off the bed.

  I went to his files where there was one called SAM.

  I clicked on it. Pictures of me. In every possible situation, showering, lying in my bed asleep, looking at myself in my mirror in my underwear. Trey and I … I gasped how did he get that?

  That’s when I remembered.

  Chapter 34

  After I’d cried my eyes out and screamed at Trey to leave me alone. He did. I yelled and threw our picture across the room. I slid down the door. I’d felt so betrayed. It wasn’t like I could call Henry, either.

  I missed Henry so much and I couldn’t tell anyone.

  It wasn’t until my door squeaked open that I realized my weird step-brother and I were the only ones in the house, besides his whiny cat.

  “Are you okay,” he asked.

  When my dad first started dating Benji’s mom, I thought he was so cool. Until I realized he didn’t have any friends himself, I didn’t have much time for a loser that only wanted to hang out with a girl three years younger than him. He didn’t even want my friends coming along when we went anywhere.

  “Go away,” I said.

  He didn’t listen. Instead, he sat beside me. “Did he hurt you?”

  “You have no idea.” I mumbled into my knees. I realized that with my legs pulled to me, the sexy thong underwear I wore for this special occasion were on display. I tried to move to cover myself. Before I could, his arm came around my shoulders.

  “It’ll be okay.”

  I sniffed.

  “He’s young and dumb. Doesn’t know what he has.”

  “It’s not even that. It was the fact that he kissed my best friend and neither told me about it.”

  “He’s an idiot.” Benji slid his han
d up and down my arm, then handed me a tissue. I was sure my mascara was smeared all over my face and I looked like a racoon at this point. I sniffed, thanked him and dabbed at my eyes.

  “Anything for you.” His hand traveled further down my back.

  “What is wrong with me? First my mom, then Henry, and now Trey and Nadia. Why do people always hurt me?”

  “You’ve been trusting the wrong people.” He said lifting my chin with this hand, making me face him. “I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.”

  I started to back away, but he held on tight. Tilted his head, looked at my lips and licked his own. “Remember when our parents first got together? How we used to do things together.” His hand moved across the bare skin on my back where my dress was open. I pushed, but he didn’t budge.

  “Let me go. I just want to sleep.”

  “I just want you to look at me like you used to.” His grip grew tighter.

  “You’re hurting me.”

  Instead of letting me go, he put his mouth on mine.

  “Stop.” I pushed in case he didn’t hear me, but he didn’t budge.

  “I’m the only one who cares about you. I’ve always been here, always protected you.”

  “Get off me. I want to go to bed.” I pushed and wiggled, trying to get away from him.

  “We’ll go to bed.” He lifted me up and carried me to it.

  “Stop joking around.” He lay me on my back. “Benji.” I pushed on his chest as he lowered himself on top of me.

  “I’ve worked hard for this.”

  “Stop.” I continued to fight him, flailing my arms around, trying anything to get away.

  He brushed a hair out of my face while pinning me down with his other hand and the weight of his body. “You’re so beautiful, do you even realize it? I had to protect you.”

  “What are you talking about? You’re squishing me.” I tried hit to him with my elbow, but it didn’t work.

  “Henry isn’t right for you. He took up too much of your time and thoughts.”

  “Henry? What about Henry?” Though now I could barely talk, let alone breathe under his weight.